By Francis Ewherido
Once I write on a topic, I am always reluctant to revisit it. But I have since realized that these issues keep reoccurring. Also, there are new entrants into matrimony, so the audience is also changing. Some time ago, I wrote an article titled, “DNA test? Why Not? But…” Today, I am saying categorically that men whose minds are troubled about the paternity of their “children” should go for DNA tests to put the matter to rest. The cases of wives having children with other men and passing them on as their husbands’ biological children have become too rampant. What I find even more annoying is the arrogance of some of these wives. In the trending case, a 44-year-old man, Mr. Kola Arike from Ikire, Osun State, found out after DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) tests that none of his four supposed children is his biological child. He wept like a baby. What irritated me most was his wife running her mouth that the DNA samples were taken behind her back and doubted the veracity. What does it matter? The result said the man has zero chance of being the father of the four children. Sometimes I wonder if it is illiteracy that blinds people. Pure science is exact, it is not social science that varies. Why argue over facts. My lecturer, Prof. Sylvanus Ekwelie, used to tell us that “only foolish Nigerians argue over facts.”
The incidence of hanging other men’s children on husbands re-emphasizes the necessity for men to have strong genes. You would not need any DNA test to know the children are yours. Long ago, I travelled to the hometown of the then editor of Vanguard newspaper, now Publisher of The Newsguru, Mideno Bayagbon. When I saw his grandmother, Mideno’s eldest son was a carbon copy of his (the son) great grandmother. It was as if the great-grandmother gave birth to him directly. What do you need a DNA test for? Res ipsa loquitur (The thing speaks for itself).
My children carry the Ewherido traits. People who know me or my brothers pick my children out straightaway in school and gatherings. The wife of the late music legend, Tony Grey, used to call me daddy in those days because she said I was a carbon copy of my father. These days it is imperative for children to look like their fathers to avoid suspicion. It is in the interest of everyone, especially the wives.
But even if my children did not look like me, I would not have bothered. In marriage, sex is both for procreation and pleasure. When you are having sex for pleasure in marriage, you can do it any time and anyhow you like, but if it is for procreation, you have to be intentional and deliberate. That is what I did. We still have the dates for those meetings meant for procreation.
I advise all intending couples to have an agreement on the number of children they want to have before marriage. This is to avoid disagreement in future. I did the same thing with my wife. She said she wanted three boys and that is all. I told her that it would not work with me. At the time we had that discussion in early 1998, my family had gone for 39 years without a female child. Though nobody expressed any concerns, we were anxious to have daughters. My only sister was born in 1957. She died on her third birthday in 1960. Even my late eldest brother who was the only one born before then and six years then could not vividly recollect what she looked like when we asked him. My mother’s seven children after her were males, bringing the number to eight boys. The only two grandchildren my mother had at the time this discussion took place were boys. Though everybody was pretending as if nothing dey happen, we were anxious for female children.
My wife and I finally agreed on three boys, her wish and one daughter to end my anxiousness. I also insisted that the girl should come first. That was how it went. Daughter, followed by three boys. As my last son was growing older, it became apparent that my wife and I were going to become home-alone parents too soon. I craved for retirement baby, a girl of course. I begged my wife. Whatever you say about an Urhobo man – proud, unromantic, chauvinistic, etc – these traits only manifest when nothing serious is at stake. When he really needs something, he becomes humble. I begged and she obliged. She gave me my retirement daughter. That has become very prophetic. Each time I remember that foresight, I feel proud like someone who has found a cure for an incurable disease. I will not go into details of how we intentionally and deliberately preselected the sex of my children here. Any doubting Thomas can click these links and read: Baby’s sex preselection: My story (1) – Vanguard News (vanguardngr.com) and Baby’s sex pre-selection: My story(2) – Vanguard News (vanguardngr.com).
Back to the issue. Any man who wants to be sure his children are his but does not have strong genes to put stamp of ownership on his children can be intentional and deliberate in baby making like me instead of wasting money on DNA later. That way, you know the sex and estimated time of birth ab initio. You will not know exactly when conception took place, but you will have an idea of the time. In addition, if you met with your wife three to five days before ovulation and she gives birth to a boy that is a red flag, because in normal circumstances, she can only give birth to a girl. If intercourse took place in the heat of ovulation, and just before or after ovulation, that is undoubtedly a baby boy. This pure science, not social science. Only human error can make it otherwise.
WEDDING IS THE BRIDE’S AND GROOM’S DAY
Wedding, which means marriage ceremony, is a day the intending couple, their parents, family members and friends look up to, but no one should forget that marriage is primarily for the couple. To drive the message home, after the wedding, how many people go into the room to commence married life? Only the couple. If that is the case, why do some parents and others want their interest to supersede that of the couple? I read the story of a pastor and his wife who made their daughter to clean up her make up on the morning of her wedding. What was their reason? They wanted to please their congregation by conforming to the human norms the church has put in place. That is hypocrisy. I was once guilty of it too. A group I belonged to in church not only discouraged female members from wearing trousers, but told the married men to stop their wives from wearing trousers. I tried to implement it, but met a brick wall. My wife reminded me that she wore trousers when we met for the first time and I did not oppose it. She said I could not oppose her now. One trick to make your marriage work is to differentiate between foolish and sensible battles. I retreated and it has been so.
Let me be clear, my wife wears no makeup. I met her natural and she has remained natural and beautiful to me for the over 25 years now. My problem with the pastor-parents has nothing to do with their opposition to makeup. It is the intention behind it: hypocrisy. Was that the first time the daughter was using makeup? Probably not. So why oppose it on her wedding day. I rule the parents out of order. It is her day, not theirs. Her wish should have prevailed.
