By Francis Ewherido
A wife has two businesses with the husband’s penis as far as I know: One, to get her pregnant and fulfill God’s purpose of multiplying. Two, to give her pleasure and satisfaction sometimes. I said “satisfaction sometimes” because sex is like football. Even the best players do have their off days, so satisfaction is not always guaranteed. After all, wives also have their off days: “Not tonight, I am tired.” “It is not safe o!” Some wives will wear jeans trousers to bed because the husband refused to meet a demand. Some will fling off the husband’s hand because they are still sulking from a previous quarrel. And in such cases most times the man is charged for sex. Like a deflated balloon, the husband sulks or gets busy with other stuff until sleep comes. I don’t want to mention what an older friend told me he does when his wife denies him sex because I do not subscribe to it.
But there is a phenomenon that I find very worrisome: Married women chopping off or attempting to chop off their husband’s penises. It is not an entirely Nigerian phenomenon because it also happens elsewhere. It is also not a new phenomenon because my mother told me of a very turbulent and toxic marriage in the 60s. Then many bathrooms in Ughelli, Delta State, were outside, constructed with zincs used for roofing sheets. The top was always open so you knew who was having his or her bath. On this day, the wife waited until the husband had put soap in his face with eyes closed and stormed the bathroom to chop off the man’s penis. The man fought the battle of his life to save his penis and ran out with soap all over his body. The marriage continued until it finally broke up due to another reason. My surprise was how the man was able to continue with the marriage and share the same bedroom with the wife. For me, that is a deal breaker because I will never feel safe with that woman again.
What prompted this article was the policeman in Ekiti, Ondo State, whose wife cut off his penis. In retaliation, he used a machete to inflict fatal injuries on the wife. Both of them died leaving behind four young children to face an uncertain future. The source of the tragedy was accusation of infidelity, although the report did not state the accused and the guilty parties. This case is not isolated. In Benin, Edo State, a wife cut off her husband’s penis because she claimed that he was too promiscuous. Another woman did the same thing in Delta State. The case of one young bride in the north was different and more honourable. It is honourable because she could also have chopped off the husband’s penis. Rather she asked for and got a divorce within one week of marriage because the man’s penis was too big! Different strokes for different folks. There are women who crave for monster dicks.
But there are the broader issues I want us to examine without bias. One, polygamy is practiced all over Nigeria. Unless for those who took oath of fidelity in the church or civil ceremonies, you cannot grudge your husband for being with another woman. Men do not take vows of fidelity in traditional marriages. So, it is not out of place for him to be with another woman. There has to be courtship before he marries another wife. Muslim men are allowed by their religion to marry up to four wives. Please spare me the proviso of loving or treating them equally. There is no foolproof barometer to measure it. The point is, if you did only traditional marriage or you marry a Muslim, your husband can marry more wives if he so desires. So make up your mind before you go into the marriage. I don’t like people who want to shift the goalpost or change the rules midway into the match. Take it or quit.
As for those men who married in the church or court, infidelity is a breach of your oath of fidelity. But no where have I read that a wife has the license to chop off her husband’s penis if he commits adultery. It is not done. Infidelity hurts, but it should not get to the point of cutting off the offending instrument, the penis. The penis is innocent. It has no mind or brain of its own. It does what the owner thinks or directs it to do. Wives should stop hurting the innocent instrument and focus on the substance, their husbands.
Wait o, I hope some women are not interpreting Matthew 18:9 literally. “If your eye causes you to stumble and sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life with only one eye, than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fiery hell.” Wives, the bible is saying your husbands should distance themselves from the sources or objects, places of temptation, not chopping off their penises. The other time, an acquaintance told me how he spent the night in the younger sister’s house because the sister and the husband were “fighting to finish.” At a point, the sister wanted to bite off the husband’s genitals. I can’t help but wonder about the irony. You want to chop off the same penis you previously enjoyed and treated tenderly. Amazing!
In my opinion, what is pushing spouses to harm their beloved spouses did not start suddenly. There are cases of built up anger and frustration that were poorly managed or overlooked. I have not seen many problems that got resolved by being ignored. Communication remains a livewire of a happy marriage. I am not talking of just communication, but empathic communication: seek first to listen and understand your spouse’s point of view. After understanding their point of view, respond accordingly. No dispute gets resolved when both spouses are talking simultaneously or one spouse is waiting for the other spouse to finish talking so that he/she can speak his/her mind. He/she neither listened nor understood what the spouse said: “talk your own, make I talk my own” attitude. Also, learn not to act on the spur of the moment. It leads to rash decisions that you will regret later.
Some people have uncontrollable anger. They are not fit to marry. Marriage was not smooth for many of them who strayed into it. Even in those days, when “for better for worse” was taken more seriously, some of the marriages of people with uncontrollable anger broke up. I also know a very beautiful woman within my age range. I was always wondering why she was still single. I asked someone who knew her and she described her as “fire.” She’s about 60 years now, but never got married. I know another very beautiful lady who is about 40 years now. I was wondering why she’s still single. Someone told me that if “she displays you will hate her.” The day I saw her explode in anger, it was a like a volcanic eruption. To add insult to injury, she’s very acidic. I experienced it once and kept my distance subsequently. Mind you, I am not saying every unmarried beautiful woman has a violent temper.
Just this week, a young man beat his girlfriend to death somewhere in Lagos. He’s currently cooling his feet in detention. As I was rounding up this article, I read of a man in Benin who bludgeoned his 38-year-old wife to death with a hammer. Many people are in jail today because of uncontrollable anger. No one wins a trophy for violent anger. But for quick police intervention, he would have been lynched. He is also currently cooling his feet in detention. We must all learn to control our anger before it leads to murder or manslaughter. Being an advocate of the indissolubility of marriage, especially Christian marriage, notwithstanding, no one should stay in a marriage where his/her life is at risk. Only the living stay married.
