By Francis Ewherido
I cannot recall where I got this principle from, but it simply says nobody is totally bad and nobody is totally good. So, take the one per cent (as a representation) that is good in that person and run with it. I will give you one example. In the early 80s, Concord Newspaper was hot. To get a copy in Effurun/Warri/Enerhen axis, Delta State, you have to get to Enerhen Junction before 7am to wait for the vendor. On this day, while my younger brother was waiting, a madman came out of nowhere and pushed him against the wall/ground causing him injuries. While he was still on the ground, another madman came and quickly helped him up and dusted dirt off his body. Then he said, no mind these mad people, na so dem dey misbehave. He too was insane, but he had some sanity.
The one per cent principle is very handy in maintaining relationship with many people across board. You are not too critical about the person. You are just looking for the minimum good in that person and run with it. But our focus today is the one per cent principle in having a happy marriage. Marriage is very serious business. It goes beyond just having a relationship with someone. You are talking about a relationship that will define the rest of your life, positively or negatively. So you apply the one person as a representation of what is good about your potential spouse. Many spouses have enough qualities to make their marriages taste like honey. Unfortunately, the same spouses also have failings to make their marriages taste like bitter leaf without the therapeutic value of bitter leaf. Here the taste of the marriage is dependent on what is important to you and what you decide to focus on.
Most failed marriages today would have survived if the couples practised the one per cent principle, and most happy marriages today would also have failed if the couples failed to practise the one per cent principle in one form or the other. One per cent principle does not mean you live a lie that your spouse is perfect. You simply focus on the good attributes, and learn to live with his/her failings. After all, who is perfect? There is no such person. If you want your spouse to live with your shortcomings, you must also learn to live with his/hers. In other words, you focus on the good qualities of your spouse and deemphasise the negatives. The result is what we refer to as happy marriages. It is like seeing the cup as half full instead of half empty.
What are the positives and what are the negatives. Before, I will reel out these qualities, but life is becoming so relative, it is difficult to tell. For me domestic violence is a no-no. I will not be part of a violent marriage and I will not allow anyone I love to remain in a violent marriage. I have already drilled that into my children’s heads. When my youngest brother was to get married, I invited him and the fiancée. I told the fiancée that you see him as an adult, which he is, but we brought him up, so he remains our baby. I know he will never lay hands on you because the repercussions from his elder brothers will be grave. The same way, we do not want to hear that you threatened his life. The day you do, the marriage is over as far as I am concerned because we do not want to lose him. Rest assured that no one will interfere in your marriage. You will not even hear from us as far there is no domestic violence. Your disagreements, quarrels and beefing are your internal affairs, but no domestic violence will be tolerated or accepted. It has been like that so far.
But I read stories where girls say they cannot marry a quiet man. They like to be beaten. They like violent sex. That is a form of sadomasochism. God created sex for pleasure aside procreation. I do not understand why any normal human being will bring in violence. We heard of the hotelier who was killed in Ilorin by two school dropouts after they tied him up. He was helpless why they killed him. That is one of the downsides of sadomasochism. In these dangerous times, how can you allow runs-girls to tie you up and make you helpless? Absolute foolishness.
I have heard some married men say that their wives can be unfaithful as long as they are discreet, that is, “it’s not done in my face.” That sounded incredulous to me. In some cultures, including mine, if a woman commits adultery and she is caught, she will not spend the night in the husband’s house. It is back to sender. You see why it is difficult to list the qualities of a potential spouse. But I can safely say that every married person desires peace of mind and therefore desires someone who can give that peace. “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24). Most people also want supportive and dependable spouses. I will stop here before I go into disputable attributes.
LET’S ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS GOOD
My wife and I went for data capture for the renewal of our international passports on June 5, 2023. I made up my mind I was not to pay over the moon. I did not need it urgently. They gave us September 1 as date for collection. When my wife got there, they told her they were not ready. She asked why no one bothered to inform us when they had our numbers. They directed her to their notice board where they pasted the information. Last Tuesday, my wife got a text that our passports were ready for collection. She went on Wednesday and came back home with the passports.
When the current minister of interior, Olubunmi Ojo, promised to clear the 200,000 passport backlog in two weeks, I adopted a siddon look attitude. Over the years, we have seen legion of unfulfilled promises by government officials. It is refreshing to see promise keepers. The signs are good in some government quarters. After a long period of poor governance, I am happy with what I am seeing in Abia State. I have followed Alex Otti since his time as an Executive Director of First Bank. He will transform Abia State. Nyesom Wike comes across as uncouth to some people, but he will transform Abuja. He has the track record. I am keeping my eyes on our erudite Chief Festus Keyamo, the Aviation and Aerospace Development Minister. He will deliver. Delta no dey carry last. He will not let us down. We are waiting for Engr. David Umahi to replicate at the federal level what he did in Ebonyi State in road infrastructure. The federal roads in South East and South South are in a horrendous state. Some people are yet to decide if they will go home for Christmas.
Governance is all about the people of Nigeria, not political affiliations or ethnicity. Nigerians have suffered for too long and deserve the best.
