By Francis Ewherido
In those days, one of our vendors came to see us in the office. From one talk to the other, he released what we considered a bomb: “I don’t go out with single girls. I prefer married women. A married woman will not come to disturb you when she’s pregnant, but these small girls disturb you….” A married female colleague was very upset and asked him, “what if your wife cheats on you?” He was thrown off balance. He didn’t prepare or expect that question. When he regained his composure, he stammered: “well…as long as I don’t find out.”
Anyway, the number of paternity fraud cases in Nigeria is increasing. Nigeria is ranked second worldwide behind Jamaica in paternity fraud. I remembered this encounter and I just wondered if that is one of the reasons for the increasing cases of paternity fraud and our infamous number two ranking. A wicked and reckless wife would engage in an extra-marital affair during her unsafe period, get pregnant and pass on the child to the husband as his. The innocent husband who probably had intercourse with his wife around the same period assumes the pregnancy is his and brings up the child. Many of these cases are now being exposed because many Nigerians are relocating abroad and one of the conditions is a paternity test to be sure the children are the man’s.
Now, some women are advocating that men should forgive their wives for misleading them into thinking that the children from their adulterous liaisons are theirs. “It has happened, it has happened.” just like that? As I was writing, the trending story is that former Cameroonian international and Chelsea FC star, Geremi Njitap, has filed for divorce from his wife after 12 years of marriage after DNA test revealed that he is not the biological father of his two children (twins). Their biological father is the former lover of his wife. The twins were born in June 2008, four years prior to their marriage. The marriage was because the wife misled Geremi to believe that the children were his.
Emergency relationship advisers and commentators, please come and advise Geremi why he should continue a marriage founded on deceit and accept children whose father is known and also knows the children are his. After raising them as his for almost 16 years, Geremi’s mumu should continue into the children’s adulthood, abi? In future, the biological father will change their surnames and reap where he did not sow. When I insist that marriage is a lived experience, not expression of emotions and sentiments by people who have not been in it, some people do not seem to understand.
God created the marriage institution, although man has altered it to suit his personal interest, but marriage remains God’s. When you commit a sin, you can’t get forgiveness by sweeping it under the carpet. You must confess your sins. Whatever your Christian beliefs, sins must be confessed. Of course, our God of mercy and compassion forgives a repentant sinner, but the sinner still suffers the consequences of his sins. God forgave David for committing adultery with Bathsheba, but the consequence was the death of the son from that adulterous liaison. God also told David that the sword would not depart from his house. Subsequently, Absalom killed his half-brother, Amnon, for raping Absalom’s sister, Tamar. Absalom also chased David temporarily away from his throne. That was the sword at work in David’s household as God told him.
The consequences of sin in Urhobo culture of old was merciless. Erivwin (nemesis) caught up with adulterous housewife. If she refused to confess, death would visit her children first, one after the other. If she still refused to confess, she would die like her children. I am a Christian. I don’t know how it happens, but it does. I have seen it. Christianity and modernity have diluted the effectiveness of erivwin, but it is still happening. In a recent case, the woman has no children, so erivwin came directly to her. Rather than die, she confessed, naming the men she committed adultery with. K’agiye ke (sacrifices were offered for her before she got well). I repeat, I don’t know how it works, but even as a Christian, I advise married women, make una hands clean. You never know. As Christians, Jesus called sinners to repentance, not to continue living in sin.
One of the foundations of marriage is trust. If I cannot trust you in fundamental issues like paternity, the deal is off. Now some women are coming out to advise and condemn men for carrying out DNA test on their children. How can you condemn men when we have the second highest number of paternity fraud in the world? It is becoming very important for children to look more like their fathers. Some families have traits like the shape of the feet, fingers, ears, nose, etc. Any Nigerian man in doubt has a good reason to test the paternity of his supposed children. One woman said sleeping dogs should be allowed to lie. How can sleeping dogs be allowed to lie when they would not only wake up but bark uncontrollably in future? Who be fool?
In their attempt to justify her obnoxious position, someone came up with the defective argument that “after all, people adopt.” What is the relationship between adoption and deception, besides the fact that both end with “tion?” Adoption means “the action or fact of legally taking another’s child and bringing it up as one’s own. Deception is “the act of causing someone to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid.” Fraud is fraud. Don’t even dare to justify it. We have heard cases of men who raised children they thought were theirs. One day, one irresponsible man, who had no hand in raising the grown man/woman, saunters in and claims to be the biological father. Watch the TV series on paternity fraud and see how men’s lives have been turned upside down.
There is a man who fathered three children outside wedlock. The man brought all three children home and the wife is raising them. He was adulterous but transparent. I know some women will say a woman cannot do that because we are in a patrilineal society. Are you just finding out? My father always said that “you cannot prevent a child from growing protruding teeth, but she must grow enough lips to cover them.” If a housewife decides to engage in adultery. She must also be ready for the consequences.
Some feminists ask, why does erivwin attack only adulterous women while the men go scot-free? Please ask our ancestors. In Urhoboland, like other parts of Nigeria and Africa, polygamy is practised. How can you pin adultery on a man who has the right to marry more than one wife? You can only do that with men who went to the registry or church to take a vow of fidelity. But some of these men have also gone on to marry more wives, so e hard to pin men down.
HAPPY EASTER
Christians will commemorate the resurrection of Jesus Christ tomorrow. Happy Easter. As you celebrate, please spare a thought and prayer for innocent Okuama people in Delta State, especially the children and women, who are displaced.
