By Francis Ewherido
Last week, we read the story of the 20-year-old man who killed his father for rituals. He did not just kill his father, he cut off his genitals, the same penis that carried the sperm produced by the testes from where the sperm that fertilised the mother’s ovary that brought him into this world came from. Some time ago we also read the story of a teenager who killed his mother and had sex with the corpse for two days before he was caught. That is the same birth canal through which he came into this world.
These guys get heart, sha! Holding, staring at and mutilating the privates of your parents? These are just two of the many cases of killings and maltreatment of parents by their children. Before I go on, let me advise young men. When these herbalists send you to kill, always remember that a human being is not a chicken. Disposing a corpse is very difficult. If it is chicken, it simply ends up in the pot and finally your stomach and the case is closed. Killing a human being is a different ball game. Refrain!
Our value orientation has gone awry. I remember in 1970, a rascally young man (jaguda) fought much of the day with his mother. There was no victor. Then he took a machete and cut one of the legs of the mother and absconded. There was gloom all over as if someone died. These days, we are no longer talking about rascality. We have a problem of real moral decadence. In my time in the 70s and 80s, as teenagers and in our early 20s, the things on our minds were how to go to the university and graduate or pursue other endeavours if we were not inclined towards higher studies. The goal was to start and grow through hard work. These days, teenagers want to be billionaires without learning how to turn one naira to two naira. The results are the increasing cases of rituals, kidnappings, fraud and high crime rate.
How did we get here? Who failed? For me, the first major culprit is the family unit. Someone suggested that erring children in our neighbourhood should be disciplined. Then I asked him what happens if the erring youngsters are manifesting the same tendencies as their parents.
I have written about it before and I will say it again. The most critical years of a child’s life are the first 10 years. This is the foundation laying stage of their character. If you get it right, you build subsequently on that solid foundation. I do not care the amount of sacrifice parents have to make, including one of the parents making the upbringing of the children a full time job. It is just for a while. And with flexible working hours and working from home, parenting and working is easier these days.
From cradle children must be taught an acute sense of what is right and what is wrong. The bible said train a child in the way he should go and when he grows, he will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6). It is as simple as that. They might stray at some points because young people must make their mistakes, but an occasional mistake is different from a bad character.
Discipline is another very important component. The bible said spare the rod and spoil the child (Prov. 13:24). The last time I quoted this portion of the scripture, it sparked controversy. Let us say here that rod means discipline. Define discipline the way you understand it, but it is a sine qua non for raising responsible children and it must start from cradle.
Young parents of these days amuse me. A toddler continuously slaps the mother and she is laughing. When you raise an objection, she tells you that “na small pikin, e never get sense.” Who told you toddlers can’t be corrected. You see lion cubs play with their fathers, jump on them and stop them from taking a nap, but they never go near the scrotal sack. You know why? They know instinctively that it is a forbidden zone. I tried to reach an artisan who does repairs for me. After many fruitless efforts, I called someone else. When I saw him one day and he told me his children played with his phone and spoilt it. He allowed that nonsense knowing full well that he had no money to repair or replace the phone, so he was without a phone for a while. For the period the phone was bad, he lost income because he could not be reached by clients. When I asked him why he allowed his children to play with the phone, he said they cry when he does not allow them.
My mother always told us that crying does not kill a child. She never allowed a child to play with harmful or fragile objects. That child could cry and cry. My mother would put her foot down. “Crying does not kill a child,” she insisted. She told us three stories to buttress her firm position. One, as kids we used to play by pushing sticks on the ground as if we were riding a bicycle. She said one child’s stick got stuck on the ground at a point and the end of the stick he was holding tore his scrotal sack. Another mother refused to restrain his little son from playing with knives despite advice from neighbours. One day he was playing with a knife when he mistakenly chopped off a sizable portion of his penis. As he grew older, he could not do what his contemporaries were doing, including having family. One day, he lured his mother to the farm. While in a river crossing, he capsized the canoe and both of them drowned because they lacked swimming stills. Another mother was luckier. The little boy had not been circumcised when he chopped a portion of his penis, so they quickly went to circumcise him. Luckily only the foreskin was mainly affected.
These days, many parents of children under-10 years are playing with fire. You allow your toddlers to have their way all the time because you do not want them to cry. Children under-10 years talk back at parents and they allow it to pass by. Other bad behaviours are ignored. You are bringing up monsters. Just remember that when you cement a floor, the best time to make amend is when the cement is still soft. Once it hardens and becomes concrete, it becomes an uphill task to amend. Ask parents with older children. Some are already having sleepless nights over their teenage children they refused to discipline and be firm with when they were younger.
The society does have an important role to play in moulding children, but the society is polluted and decadent, so fortify your children before they go into the world. There are many pollutants out there, many badly brought up children. In secondary schools, there is cultism, drug addiction, sexual immorality and other vices. It is the same in higher institutions. After failing in their duties, some parents shift these monsters into the public space. These are the main pollutants you see around. They are also among pollutants are also in churches, mosques and other public institutions. Parents must now be permanently vigilant. Government and government agencies are also a major part of the problem.
For me a good foundation from the home front remains the surest solution to the decadence in the society. At the end of the day, there are no absolute guarantees that a good foundation will make all the children turn out well, but it increases the probability of your children’s success in life.
Well raised children give you peace of mind which is unquantifiable. Badly brought up children bring pain and sorrow. Young and aspiring parents have their work and choices laid out for them.
