By Dr. John Mukoro, mni
Have you ever stopped yourself from pursuing a dream because you worried about what others might think? That quiet, persistent question—“What will people say?”—has likely killed more dreams than failure ever could. This invisible barrier, reinforced by the need for social approval, often keeps us trapped in lives that feel smaller than our potential. It’s time to understand why this happens—and more importantly, how to break free.
The Invisible Chains of Social Approval
Our craving for approval is deeply rooted in human nature. Historically, acceptance by the group ensured survival—being excluded from the tribe was a death sentence. This instinct, once crucial for survival, now functions as a mental roadblock, sabotaging modern success and fulfillment.
You hesitate to launch that business idea, switch careers, or even express your true thoughts because you fear judgment. But here’s the truth: the desire to feel accepted is not more important than your desire to grow. Most people remain stuck because they prioritize the comfort of belonging over the discomfort of becoming.
If you want to build a life aligned with your true potential, you must shift your loyalty—from the need for approval to the pursuit of self-realization. The question is no longer, “Will they approve?” but “Does this align with my future?”
Who Are These “People” Anyway?
Take a moment to think: Who exactly are the people whose opinions you fear so much?
The hard truth is, most of these people aren’t even paying attention. They’re too consumed with their own struggles, insecurities, and ambitions to spend more than a fleeting moment thinking about your choices.
At most, you can likely name two or three people whose opinions genuinely matter—but even then, their perceptions are often shaped by their own limitations and biases. Why surrender your future to the judgment of people who don’t have to live with the consequences of your decisions?
The Spotlight Effect: Nobody Cares That Much
We often live under the illusion that others are watching and analyzing our every move. Psychologists call this the spotlight effect—the mistaken belief that we are at the center of everyone else’s attention.
In reality, people are focused on themselves. Their criticisms, judgments, and backhanded comments are often projections of their own fears and insecurities. When you internalize this truth, you begin to realize how much mental energy you’ve wasted performing for an audience that isn’t even watching.
The Irony of Social Judgment
Here’s the twist: even if people are judging you, their opinions are rarely consistent or meaningful.
•The same person who doubts your decisions today will ask for advice when you succeed tomorrow.
•Those who mock your ambition now will later claim they “always knew you’d make it.”
•Many who question your path today will be the first to line up for a seat at your table once you’ve arrived.
People’s opinions are like shifting sand—unstable, unreliable, and influenced more by their relationship to your success than by the merit of your choices. Their feedback reflects their emotional state, not your reality.
The Only Opinion That Matters
At the end of the day, only one opinion holds enduring value: Yours.
Instead of asking, “What will they think?” ask yourself, “What do I want?”
Instead of seeking validation, seek alignment with your core values.
Instead of fearing judgment, pursue growth.
Your life is too valuable to be shaped by the fleeting approval of others. True fulfillment comes when you align your decisions with your inner truth—not the shifting opinions of the crowd.
Reclaim Your Power
Freedom begins the moment you stop performing and start living. The discomfort of ignoring the crowd will pale in comparison to the regret of never having tried.
Your dreams deserve more than to be sacrificed at the altar of social approval. The time to break free is now.
