By Francis Ewherido
Many men desire to marry a beautiful woman. Why not? But they say beauty is contextual and in the eyes of the beholder. True, but some are very clear. There is nothing like “contextual” and “in the eyes of the beholder.” My 97-year-old aunt, my father’s cousin, Mama Theresa Dafiaghor, was one of such beauties. As far back as 1970, when I was a little boy, I knew Mama Theresa was stunningly beautiful. Until she died last December, she remained a beauty to behold. In fact, I was teasing Julie, her daughter, the last time I saw Mama Theresa that we needed to give her out in marriage again and collect fresh bride price.
However, marrying a beautiful woman comes with concomitant wahala (trouble). Other men can’t take their eyes off her. She looks like a public property in their eyes. Every man wants to have a piece of her. I had an older friend. His wife was a stay-at-home wife. She kept piling pressure on the husband that she wanted to do business. Her business interest fell on one of my line of businesses then. The husband called me and told me to partner with her. I readily agreed because it meant the husband would use his influence to get us more businesses. But I did not bargain for the pressure that would come with it. The first day we went out, all eyes were on her. I got curious and looked back at every man who passed as we walked on the road. They always turned back to look at her. She is very beautiful, attractive and glows. I guess glowing added to the attention she got. This continued and at a point I started getting apprehensive. I prayed that there should be no incident because I felt an obligation to protect her. The husband entrusted her to me and I felt I had a duty to defend her. At the same time, I did not want to put myself in harm’s way. How does this man cope with so many men ogling at his wife, I wondered!
On one particular day, she rushed into my reception and hid in my office: “This man dey pursue me since,” she blurted out as she was rushing into my office. Shortly after, a sturdy man came in. He was short and well built. He pretended to be inspecting our products on display. I looked at his shoes, belt, trousers and shirt and I said to myself that this man is very rich. We catered for middle level working class people then, not his type. When he was leaving, I followed him outside. He came with the latest Mercedes Benz coupe. After he left, our security guard gave me a complimentary card he left for my friend’s wife. I warned her to destroy the card at once and not even look at it. From what she told me. The man saw her in traffic at Ikoyi and pursued her all the way to Obanikoro. For those who live in Lagos, on a good day when traffic is free, that is like a 30-minute journey because Third Mainland Bridge alone is 10.8 kilometers. On a bad day, that distance can take three hours to cover. Anyway, when our business collaboration ended, I was relieved, but I kept wondering how my friend was coping. Men could never get their eyes off her throughout.
That was before I got married. For someone who liked beautiful women from an early age, it was inevitable I would get married to one. I have had my own baptism of fire since after marriage. I shared the same office building but different offices with my wife for over 20 years. Some men came as clients, but their target was my wife. Patronage stopped abruptly when they didn’t get what they wanted. We worked late one day and the staff had closed. But I needed to quickly go home and attend to my children who were young then. My wife told me in Urhobo that I should not leave her alone with the client, a lawyer, who made us to work late because “his eyes are not good” and it was obvious. After that incident, my respect for him evaporated. His patronage also stopped. Some guys are very disrespectful. They have zero dick control.
I demoted someone from a friend to an acquaintance. He came visiting. As I was talking to him, I noticed that he was distracted. I decided to follow his gaze. My wife was climbing upstairs and his eyes were following her as she was climbing. That was one of the reasons why I covered my staircase. My visitors reading now know it’s not just for aesthetics. I can go on and on. I discussed another incident with someone close to me. He asked, “why didn’t you break his head?” How may heads will you break? Your business is with your wife. You expect her to be disciplined and faithful. PERIOD.
Any young man planning to marry a beautiful wife must know what he is up against. Other men will definitely be interested in your wife and make passes at her. Can your wife withstand the pressure? Will she stay faithful? Can you trust her? Is infidelity “sin against the Holy Spirit to you (I use it to depict an infraction you cannot forgive)?” You must answer these questions before you go ahead. There are other questions, but the listed ones are enough for now. I am a conservative Urhobo man with some Isoko blood. Our wives should behave the way majority of our mothers and forebears behaved.
I actually wrote this article a year ago and archived it. I never knew I would revisit it. In fact, I wanted to delete it five days ago. Then I listened to the interview of the former Minister of Works, Senator Adeseye Ogunlewe on the Akpabio/Uduaghan saga. Ogunseye said “the beauty of Distinguished Senator Natasha (Akpoti-Uduaghan) is a problem to her.” Aha! It tallies with today’s title. When this matter started, the issue was sexual harassment. But the senate came up on Monday with a statement that the issue is “gross misconduct.” The senate and the senate president have had some missteps since this matter started. As someone with some knowledge of crisis management, I will advise them to publicly zip up their mouths, retreat and do deep introspection. This column is on marriage and family, so I can’t go into details, but seeking peace is better than a pyrrhic victory or winning a battle and losing the war.
Some traducers of Senator Natasha are on the offensive. No problem, she can deal with the various issues raised against her, but I disagree with those who said that she is not beautiful, that she only seems so because she is light skinned. You can hate people but give them their flowers. As someone who could spot a beautiful woman since an early age, Senator Natasha is a very beautiful woman. I have never met her physically, but her beauty reflects in her photos and her television appearances.
